The War on Asian Bird Flu:
The World Health Organization recently warned that gazillions of people could become infected with the Asian Bird Flu anytime between next week and 2076, and whilst it (the Asian Bird Flu) originated in, of all places, Asia, it has already been found in turkey in Turkey. Next, it could be anywheres. It could be anywhere at anytime so everyone's on Code Yellow. Many nations have already begun airport security screenings and performing full cavity strip-searches of subway commuters' handbags to protect against the threat of bird migrations. Authorities are cautioning ordinary citizens who do not have the proper breeding to become authorities not to overreact to the threat, and to keep in mind that many birds are actually valuable contributers to society, though not enough so to ever ever become authorities.
Around the world steps are being taken. In Canada, chickens are being injected with Vicks Formula 44 in an effort to stop the terrorist flu from spreading. China recently announced they have even more chickens than people. In Washington DC the National Security Agency is diverting a network of neural supercomputers away from eavesdropping on people who can never ever ever become authorities to calculate exactly how many chickens that is (in China). Iran is re-opening their nuclear facilities, promising to build launchable microwave ovens that will nuke any chickens that even think about sneezing in the Middle East. War-torn Iraqi forces are being trained (as quickly as possible) to stomp, fling, and twist the necks off of chickens. Troubling allegations have been made that intelligence agencies are torturing birds held in captivity (see sidebar). NSA spokespook Col. Sanders denied the charges, insisting there is nothing cruel or unsual about deep-frying captives. "It's a recipe for success in the war on terror," he responded.
So who gives a rat's ass that all these birds are getting the flu? That's a good question on the surface, but the danger is that the virus that causes the flu (and let's not forget that it's an Asian virus), may mutate and become a flu capable of infecting humans. If this were to happen the flu would spread rapidly, quickly becoming a world-wide pandemic. Authorities are warning ordinary people to remain ordinary, and to continue going ordinarily about their ordinary lives, doing ordinary things, as they (the authorities) ready a plan to stockpile enough vaccine to innoculate anyone in a position to tell ordinary people what to do.
Exactly how the avian flu (from Asia mind you) will become capable of infecting humans is not clear, say authorities who are screwing Turkey without protection (see sidebar). Vice President Dick Cheney was unavailable for comment and nearly everybody was way okay with that. Meanwhile, President Bush.
Leaders in France and Germany are publically questioning the usefulness of choking chickens in spite of the U.S. President calling for a Global War on evil-stewers. They [the leaders of France and Germany] are quoted as saying stuff noone could understand because it wasn't in English.
Former U.S. Suckitary Madame Condolizard Rice gave a speech in Volvokastan, a powerless inconsequential place authorities can go to say stuff without being shouted down in a language that viewers watching at home (the U.S.) can understand. She said that ordinary people have to give up some rights if they expect their government to protect their authorities from catching this damn flu, and hinted that Americans (the ordinary ones) may be forced into workcamps to learn how to stomp and fling chickens.
The American Association of the Too Retardedly Challenged To Realize How Ordinary They Are (TAATRCTRHOTA) said, in response to radical left-wing liberals' incessant whining about giving up their rights to live in workcamps, "If you think you don't have anything to hide because you don't have anything, then you must not have anything to hide".
What can ordinary people do to protect their freedoms from the possible possibility that maybe this bird flu might spread to ordinary people at some point, perhaps in the future, that might possibly perhaps conceivabley maybe?
You need to take immediate action to proactively preempt the Bird Flu (which is Asian) from gaining a grip on your Homeland. Failing to do so would be a disaster that not even FEMA could help you out of in a reasonable amount of time. Then you'd be stuck - in a trailer - living like these examples.
Fortunately you CAN protect yourself and your loved ones and save humanity for further ordinariness by equpping your bird's cage with The Curex Bird Condom Dispenser!
* Data provided by International Hornithological Society